Avianca Slow Boat

  

I find inflight entertainment extremely engrossing, to the point where nearly every long flight I’ve been on, I seem to not be able to fit all my entertainment choices in. As soon as the safety video ends and I’ve sent a snapchat of the out-the-window view, the selection process begins. Invariably I look through the new releases and rank them in order mentally always making sure ones that I think are still in theaters (just found out they are mostly released) rise to the top, as it obviously decreases my total flight mental bill. Other deductions on the total flight mental bill include but are not limited to, alcohol, free blankets, ear plugs, socks, hygiene kits, snacks, waters, coffees, teas, meals. This leads to little sleep on overnight flights, but I feel it’s my obligation to watch all the newly released movies, accept drinks, pee often, flush twice, double snacks like Costco, when offered, and if at 2 am I hear “coffee sir.” Hell yes I’ll take two. 

 I like the food, the tiny little reheated dishes of foreign joy, served frozen-pizza-fresh out of the airplane super microwave, causing the roof-of-my-mouth-to-melt-hot, that I refuse to let cool and stuff my face with immediately and have said mouth roof melt. After three flights and three in-flight meals the roof of my mouth is in that phase where the skin is deciding whether to rip off in one piece wholly, sloughing easily, or slowly peel piece by piece hanging just a bit further each time, like paint slowly disintegrating off the water damaged ceiling in The guest bedroom of my parents otherwise lovely antique Craftsman abode. Nothing like raw roof for the start of my Argentina beef eating adventure. 
I also like free alcohol. Flying with my best friend and travel buddy Marcus on a 14 hr flight to Hong Kong with Cathay Pacific and their more than generous, booze peddling flight attendants is a lifetime highlight of international air travel. We stopped counting drinks, instructed the flight attendants to bring another at every passing, slept wonderfully, awoke with a warm buzz and prepared for our Southeast Asian invasion. Please be warned that wonderful Star Alliance team player Avianca Air does have free booze, just in the form of one drink at meal time. This blatantly interrupted my normal pattern of ordering non-stop cocktails, watching movies, eating, snacking, and loudly stretching, on my journey to Buenos Aires. At 5 am (11PM PST) I was standing in the Argentine customs line with little sleep, sober and hangry (I also had my unnecessary $900.00 proof of onward travel to Peru, $160.00 pre-paid visa, and no illicit goods to declare).

  

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